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About me


I'm just a humble international rock star, taking each day one bottle of Jack Daniels at a time. I live for music - if you cut me, I bleed rock n roll. (Doctors can't explain it.) My other great passion is romance - just ask any of my 4 ex-wives.

Likes: wearing tight pants and clichés. Dislikes: hangovers and divorce lawyers.


Apparently I feature in Love Songs For Skeptics by Christina Pishiris but I'm still waiting for my royalties

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see what I did there?


August 8, 2019

Me last year on holiday in Magaluf


October 1, 2020

The book would've been better if I was in it more. Judge for yourself here


September 26, 2020

Nipping out for milk - only so many times you can eat Cheerios with vodka


September 13, 2020

Gutted this happened to my limited edition Spinal Tap album. And Tufnel's not returning my calls.


July 14, 2020

​Kids have been playing with my bins again. Gonna have to write to the council.


October 17, 2020

Paid good money for a photographer who cut off my head in EVERY shot.  Leaving this as reminder to talk to lawyers.

Selected discography


February 11, 2020

My kitty Elvis Purrs-ley. He pretends to hate his toy guitar, but damn he comes up with some killer riffs.


June 14, 2020

I hate it when they don't read my rider properly. I mean, how hard it is to take out the blue M&M's?  Grrrrr.

Abandoned Home

November 19, 2020

The Air BnB did NOT look like this on the website. No 4G and weird banging noises all night. One star.

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I spent a long time in India finding myself, so when I was ready to release my next album I told the designer I wanted it to showcase how India had fed my soul. Some critics didn't like the cover - one even going as far as saying it looked like an Indian take-away menu, but haters gonna hate, you know?


So, after the cover debacle from the India album, my manager briefed the designer himself, giving him strict orders to please not use any restaurant advertising paraphernalia as inspiration. The result is my first acoustic album. I liked it at the time, but my Nan said she could have taken a pic of the plug of her iron and saved me thousands. She wasn't wrong


I discovered this old poem by a bloke called Wordsworth where the first line is about a lonely cloud and I thought, dude, are clouds lonely? It blew my mind. I mentioned it once in an interview and it became a hot topic on the ZakPak EZboard (before social media)  so I thought, Why not call the album that?

Selected discography

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Zak Scaramouche-1.png

This record nearly didn't see the light of day because on the last day of recording I didn't stub out my B&H properly, and the whole studio went up in flames. No one was hurt but I had to cough up 6 mil when the insurance refused to cover it. The first person on the scene was a lady fire fighter. Her first words were:  'Where's the fire?' and I replied: 'In my pants, baby'. We got married 3 days later

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We didn't know what to call this album and I said to the label, look, everyone's gonna be fixated by my hot shirtless bod so let's just call it 'Hot Shirtless Bod'.  They weren't convinced, so in the end we compromised on 'Shirtless'. I'm still not sure, tbh


By the time my first greatest hits album was about to drop, I'd sacked my old manager. The new one promised to pull out the big guns for this cover. We scoured the world for the best designers and this is the result. Half a million pounds spent on something a 3-year-old could have done with a bleedin' crayon. I despair, sometimes. I also now manage myself


A lot of people thought I was a sell-out for doing my swing album, but I've always had a deep love of the American crooners, especially Fred Sinatra and that Jonny Bennett bloke. Anyone who says otherwise is just jealous and has no idea how expensive divorce is 

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